My Beard (2/14/2012)

Hello, I am Eric, and this is my beard. Yes, I have a beard. A lot of people tell me to shave. Why must I shave? My beard makes my face look better (you should see me without it hahaha). 

People tell me I look homeless because of my beard. If that were true, Santa would look terribly homeless. It's not the beard, guys, it's my terrible fashion sense that makes me look homeless.

People ask me when was the last time i shaved, whether I can braid it, whether I shampoo it, comb it. The last time i shave was august, idk, i never tried braiding it, yes, and yes.

I'm not growing this for you. I'm growing my beard because I like it. (also, it's something to stroke when I'm bored... ummm yea... stroke...) But yea, for all you haters out there, I hope you allow yourself to try growing a beard (or even leghair or something for girls). Am I killing anyone by growing my beard? No.

An Exerpt

I made your mom into a parachute.

Pooping bores me most of the time.

Ground horse teeth.

I hate it when I put on deodorant when my armpits are chapped and it starts to tingle and burn. But even if I didn’t put on deodorant, it would burn because sweat stings when it drips in open sores. Your mom should have some experience in that area.

Your mom has herpes.

I was once force fed a crayon. I think it was grey.

Garbanzo beans have 7 grams of dietary fiber per 130g. That means you won’t poo like a fountain.

This is my cell phone

This is my shoe.

What I am saying is directed towards you

This is a paper

This is a kick

When I point down the camera I’ll show you my wallet.